Oh dear, your lover is banging away like he’s in the Melbourne Cup, and you’re counting the tiles in the ceiling. It’s a difficult subject to broach and one that needs to be done with the utmost of care. Handled wrong and it will leave your man feeling inadequate and will be a real blow to his confidence. But as long as you wear kid gloves and a use a delicate touch, you can talk about your lackluster sex life with your man and do something about it.
Choosing an appropriate time and place is the first step. Broaching the subject during sex is a big no no. In fact, it’s probably the worst place to do it, because face it, hearing that you’re not satisfying your partner is not going to be a turn on.
Prepare what you want to say and how you want to do it. Above all else, consider your partners feelings and how they will react. Don’t be accusatory or point out their faults, instead try to bring up the positive and have suggestions ready for how you two can work together to have better sex. Remember it’s not about placing blame, it’s about getting better sex.
Try suggesting something adventurous, like some role-playing. Delving into another world may help with losing some of those inhibitions and let you dictate how the action is played out. You can find something your man is into like superheroes, naughty nurses, or cheerleaders. Try looking through the costume selection from this website, for a range of sexy and fun play clothes that will get you into the scene and are made to fit size small to 4X.
Make sure when you talk to your partner you address your needs that aren’t being met. Again, don’t make it all negative. Try to aim for a positive approach and make suggestions like “I’d really like it if you rubbed my clit while we were doing it doggy style, it helps me enjoy you more”. This works a lot better than “you never touch my clit, do you think you could try to notice it down there once in a while?”. Remember the next time you’re in bed together you want him to be thinking how nice it would be to pleasure you the way you want, not that he’s an inadequate lover.
Add some toys to the mix if you need to. Bringing in a toy to the bedroom can be a great way to make your love making more intimate, or in the worst-case scenario, do the job that he can’t. Try a couple’s massager like the Lelo Tara, worn by the woman, for the pleasure of both, during sex. Or try a pair of massaging panties and surrender control for the night to your man. You may find you love the feeling of having him manage your every sensation with the press of a button.
Just remember to take it nice and easy on the guy, especially if you love him. He may not have had the sexual education that you were lucky enough to get, and it may be up to you to teach him yourself. Be patient, be kind, and don’t be afraid to try new things yourself if it will help your partner out. Just don’t settle for a lackluster sex life because you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.